Just like that, the dream is over

So, I’ve been back in England just over a week. I had intended to write this post a little earlier, but some serious jetlag took me pretty much out of commission for the entire week. I could barely make it through work, never mind anything else and certainly not any training. The mere thought of hitting pads made me feel exhausted. But I’m back to normal now, sort of.

The last week of my time in Phuket differed significantly from the first three- with my fight done, I decided to relax a little and take time to explore the rest of what was on offer. I still trained once a day, but didn’t make a single morning session after my fight, largely due to the fact I was out partying pretty much every night. It was good to relax and take some time to actually holiday- this being the first time I’ve been able to get away somewhere in a few years.

My final night was a Saturday, meaning nobody had any excuses not to come out and party as they wouldn’t be training the next day! So we headed out to Patong for a while. Deciding that it would be better to get a taxi rather than risk driving the scooters in, we headed round the corner to a restaurant- the Rubber Tree- that had a sign for taxi services outside. Here we ran into Beer, a fighter and trainer at Sinbi, who said he was also going to Patong and offered to give us a guided tour. He also called his friend to taxi us there.

Before long, the taxi rolled up. The driver stepped out and it was instantly clear he had been drinking- he wasn’t wasted but it was obvious he’d had a few. Beer spoke to him in Thai for a while, before we all piled in. I guessed that Beer told him to drive slow, as we crept along at around 20mph most of the way, meaning it took us the best part of an hour to get there! After a few hours in Patong we headed back to Rawai for a ‘secret’ expat party that was supposed to be ‘going off’, yet turned out to be utterly empty. Instead, the night finished in Icon- a club handily around the corner from Sinbi that kicks out around 7am. And with that, my last full day was over.

My taxi to the airport was booked for 4.30pm, so I had some time to do stuff on Sunday, despite waking up hung-over at 12.30. We headed down to the Kombat Kafe for the standard hangover cure- bacon and tea (at least for me- Cameron drinks coffee rather than tea and doesn’t eat most meat). Granted, neither the bacon nor the tea in Thailand is as good as at home, but at that point you just don’t care. After rushing around to buy a few things people back home had requested, it was time for a last couple hours on the beach. Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and I got to spend my last few hours in Phuket in the sun, with a cold beer, watching the waves come in.

Leaving Sinbi and taking the long taxi ride to the airport was an emotional experience- I had been having the time of my life here and really didn’t want it to end. I had met some great people and it was a sad thought that I would not see them again for a long time, perhaps ever. But I guess that just comes with the territory when travelling.

Coming to Phuket and training at Sinbi muay thai has been, without a doubt, the most amazing experience of my life. I am not the same person I was beforehand, and my life won’t be quite the same again. I have had so many incredible experiences- foremost of all taking my first muay thai fight against a veteran Thai! I am now a stronger, more confident person and I have proven to myself that I belong in this sport. I can’t wait to get back in the ring.

Training was a great experience- training twice a day, six days a week is a challenging but enjoyable way to live. I wish I could do it fulltime.

I have come to love Thailand- the people, the country, the weather, the food, all of it is just amazing.

The tragedy that happened in my last week- with young Sinbi fighter Dui sadly losing his life in a traffic accident- put a lot of things in perspective. It really hit home to think that here I am, having the time of my life, meanwhile this young boy’s life has been cut far too short. His family’s grief is combined with the difficult situation they are now in- with the father in hospital and the son gone, there will be little to no money coming in. Thankfully, there is a real sense of family at Sinbi and people from all over the world are pulling together to raise money for the family.

The lesson learnt from the whole experience is one many people will talk about, but few truly live by. Life is precious, and fragile. It can end in an instant, just like that. You simply cannot know how much time you have left. And when that day comes, all the things you said you would do, dreamed of doing but never actually got round to- they will mean nothing. All that will matter is what you did. So, no more procrastinating, no more talking of my dreams as if they are a faraway thing. No more thinking that living the dream is the preserve of others. The time is now. It has to be- there might not be another chance.

Coming back to England was a bit of a reality check. My first day back in work was so hard. I simply could not concentrate, all I could think was “what is the point??” What is the point in sitting at a desk for over nine hours a day, five days a week, writing the same crap over and over again just to make money for someone else? After the life I experienced in Phuket, it all just seems pointless.

It feels like I just experienced true freedom for the first time, like a life-long prisoners’ first glimpse of sunlight, only to be clapped back in chains once I had begun to truly appreciate it.

There is only one solution for this malaise- I must find a way to break free of the dependence on employment that ties me here geographically and takes so much of my precious time. I’m 26, I still have time but only if I act now. I have to find a way to make the freedom I just experienced a permanent state of being. Anything less simply will not do.