Just like that, the dream is over

So, I’ve been back in England just over a week. I had intended to write this post a little earlier, but some serious jetlag took me pretty much out of commission for the entire week. I could barely make it through work, never mind anything else and certainly not any training. The mere thought of hitting pads made me feel exhausted. But I’m back to normal now, sort of.

The last week of my time in Phuket differed significantly from the first three- with my fight done, I decided to relax a little and take time to explore the rest of what was on offer. I still trained once a day, but didn’t make a single morning session after my fight, largely due to the fact I was out partying pretty much every night. It was good to relax and take some time to actually holiday- this being the first time I’ve been able to get away somewhere in a few years.

My final night was a Saturday, meaning nobody had any excuses not to come out and party as they wouldn’t be training the next day! So we headed out to Patong for a while. Deciding that it would be better to get a taxi rather than risk driving the scooters in, we headed round the corner to a restaurant- the Rubber Tree- that had a sign for taxi services outside. Here we ran into Beer, a fighter and trainer at Sinbi, who said he was also going to Patong and offered to give us a guided tour. He also called his friend to taxi us there.

Before long, the taxi rolled up. The driver stepped out and it was instantly clear he had been drinking- he wasn’t wasted but it was obvious he’d had a few. Beer spoke to him in Thai for a while, before we all piled in. I guessed that Beer told him to drive slow, as we crept along at around 20mph most of the way, meaning it took us the best part of an hour to get there! After a few hours in Patong we headed back to Rawai for a ‘secret’ expat party that was supposed to be ‘going off’, yet turned out to be utterly empty. Instead, the night finished in Icon- a club handily around the corner from Sinbi that kicks out around 7am. And with that, my last full day was over.

My taxi to the airport was booked for 4.30pm, so I had some time to do stuff on Sunday, despite waking up hung-over at 12.30. We headed down to the Kombat Kafe for the standard hangover cure- bacon and tea (at least for me- Cameron drinks coffee rather than tea and doesn’t eat most meat). Granted, neither the bacon nor the tea in Thailand is as good as at home, but at that point you just don’t care. After rushing around to buy a few things people back home had requested, it was time for a last couple hours on the beach. Fortunately, it was a beautiful day and I got to spend my last few hours in Phuket in the sun, with a cold beer, watching the waves come in.

Leaving Sinbi and taking the long taxi ride to the airport was an emotional experience- I had been having the time of my life here and really didn’t want it to end. I had met some great people and it was a sad thought that I would not see them again for a long time, perhaps ever. But I guess that just comes with the territory when travelling.

Coming to Phuket and training at Sinbi muay thai has been, without a doubt, the most amazing experience of my life. I am not the same person I was beforehand, and my life won’t be quite the same again. I have had so many incredible experiences- foremost of all taking my first muay thai fight against a veteran Thai! I am now a stronger, more confident person and I have proven to myself that I belong in this sport. I can’t wait to get back in the ring.

Training was a great experience- training twice a day, six days a week is a challenging but enjoyable way to live. I wish I could do it fulltime.

I have come to love Thailand- the people, the country, the weather, the food, all of it is just amazing.

The tragedy that happened in my last week- with young Sinbi fighter Dui sadly losing his life in a traffic accident- put a lot of things in perspective. It really hit home to think that here I am, having the time of my life, meanwhile this young boy’s life has been cut far too short. His family’s grief is combined with the difficult situation they are now in- with the father in hospital and the son gone, there will be little to no money coming in. Thankfully, there is a real sense of family at Sinbi and people from all over the world are pulling together to raise money for the family.

The lesson learnt from the whole experience is one many people will talk about, but few truly live by. Life is precious, and fragile. It can end in an instant, just like that. You simply cannot know how much time you have left. And when that day comes, all the things you said you would do, dreamed of doing but never actually got round to- they will mean nothing. All that will matter is what you did. So, no more procrastinating, no more talking of my dreams as if they are a faraway thing. No more thinking that living the dream is the preserve of others. The time is now. It has to be- there might not be another chance.

Coming back to England was a bit of a reality check. My first day back in work was so hard. I simply could not concentrate, all I could think was “what is the point??” What is the point in sitting at a desk for over nine hours a day, five days a week, writing the same crap over and over again just to make money for someone else? After the life I experienced in Phuket, it all just seems pointless.

It feels like I just experienced true freedom for the first time, like a life-long prisoners’ first glimpse of sunlight, only to be clapped back in chains once I had begun to truly appreciate it.

There is only one solution for this malaise- I must find a way to break free of the dependence on employment that ties me here geographically and takes so much of my precious time. I’m 26, I still have time but only if I act now. I have to find a way to make the freedom I just experienced a permanent state of being. Anything less simply will not do.  

A tragic turn of events

Yesterday was a tragic day for Sinbi muay thai, and a day that really put life in perspective for me.
As afternoon training was heading into it's final stages, we were all told to sit down for an announcement. Dui- 14 year old fighter and son of one of the trainers- had been killed in a traffic accident earlier that day. He had been riding with his father on a scooter, when they were hit by a bus. The father was in hospital with and broken leg.
We were all shocked- we had all seen Dui around the gym, lighting up the place with his big smile and energy. Many of us had seen him fight at the recent Sinbi Fight Night- he was a promising young boxer with a bright future ahead of him. To think that he was gone, just like that, his life cut far too short, was a difficult thing to accept.
The session was cut short so that the trainers could go see the father in hospital. Word soon spread that there would be transport for anyone who wanted to go as well, leaving in 45 minutes. Cameron, Iggy and myself climbed into the back of a pick-up truck, along with the Malaysian group from the room next door and Tun, one of the trainers. I have seen lots of Thai people riding around on the back of trucks, but never expected to be doing so myself. Least of all under such terrible circumstances.
When we reached our destination, however, it became clear that it was no hospital. There had been a miscommunication somewhere. Instead of going to the hospital to visit Dui's father, we had instead gone to a mosque to pay respects to the young lad's body. Those of us who wanted to go inside were ushered into a large room filled with people, both Muslim and otherwise. As far as I could tell, we were he only foreigners there, increasing the already strong feeling of being out of place. Young Dui's body was in the centre of the room, covered by a thick green blanket, with incense burning next to him. Dozens of people were sat around him, with more coming and going. At one point, someone lifted the blanket a little so that people could see Dui's face. I stayed back, unable to look. Though I don't often show it, I can be quite a sensitive person at times, and this whole thing was becoming difficult. After about ten minutes, we quietly left the room and stood outside with the trainers. It was strange to see such strong, authoritative men visibly upset, and I felt stricken by an utter inability to be of any help.
The number of people there surprised me- I had the feeling many of them wouldn't have even known Dui personally. This spoke of a strong community, though I was also struck by the feeling that this was nothing new to anyone here- they had all seen a tragedy like this before, and no doubt would again.
It was touching for the people at Sinbi to include us all in something so personal and emotional, and I felt truly humbled by the experience. Afterwards, a few of us went for a meal and had a beer in his name, and discussed trying to get some donations together for the family, who would surely be struggling without the two main money earners. Nobody felt like partying though, and it became the first quiet night I've had all week.

Rest in Peace Dui- I didn't know you for long or even on a personal level, but I certainly won't forget you  

Time to relax

With my fight done and just over a week left till I return home, I decided that now was the time to ease back on the training a little bit, relax and enjoy myself. After all, this is the first holiday I have been on in a long time.
Immediately after the fight, buzzing on adrenaline, I was ready for a session. So we headed down to a reggae bar near Nai Harn beach, a really cool, chilled place with good music and great people. The place was pretty busy, particularly with the ever present Russians, but by 4am they had kicked everyone else out. Myself and Cameron were the last ones there, chilling out back with a couple of cool Thai lads who worked there, talking shit and well, you know, it was a reggae bar...
I took Saturday off training, spending most of the day sleeping and then hitting the beach for a while. Saturday night was time for the proper celebration- a much anticipated night out in Patong, the party centre of Phuket- with the lads: Cameron, Iggy, Ivan, Nicolai and Ben. We were quite a mixed bunch, with English, Russian, French, Serbian, New Zealand and Canadian amongst our number.
How can I describe Patong? The first word that comes to mind is "crazy." However, I don't think that quite does it justice. You have to experience it to truly understand what it is like. We started off with some awesome street food, then headed down to walking street- a long street that is blocked from traffic, filled with countless bars, stripclubs, nightclubs, ping-pong shows and whatever else. The place is heaving with people, with the locals offering everything from ping-pong shows to "special massages" to the "katoey (ladyboy) experience." It's hard not to just wander around the place with your mouth wide open, it is just that insane. There are dozens of outdoor bars, each with dancing poles where the countless, and more often than not stunning, Thai barmaids take turns to entertain and woo new customers. The first one we stopped at, someone bought a round of tequila. Well, that was it, we all had to buy a round each, so it didn't take too long before we all started to get a bit drunk. Much of the night is surrounded in haze for me, as is usually the way when I drink a lot, but I remember it being an absolutely incredible night. By around 5am we had split into a few small groups. I was with Nicolai, and we sensibly decided that as he was too drunk to even find his scooter, he was certainly too drunk to drive it and took a tuk-tuk home.
Sunday was spent doing very little, apart from a quick ride to the beach where we ran into a few of the trainers. On the way back we came across a local market. Buying a load of he awesome and unbelievably cheap food there, plus a couple beers from the shop, we ate dinner by Rawai beah as the sun went down. As it often does here, the rain came quickly and without warning, and came down hard. By the time we got back to the gym, we were utterly drenched. Come Monday, I knew it was time to get back to training- it felt like an age since I had last hit some pads.
Released from the strict routine of preparing for a fight, virtually every night since my fight I have been out partying. Combined with the fact that a night out here rarely ends before 4-5am, I have yet to make a morning training session since my fight. I have still been doing the afternoons though- I don't have long left here and I want to make the most of it. The worst example of this came on Wednesday- with nothing planned for the night and feeling restless, I went out around 10pm with the intention of taking a walk to clear my head. On the way back I ran into Nicolai and his friend at the Melon bar. Next thing I know, we are hitting the two main clubs around here- Laguna and Icon. Upon leaving Icon I was dazzled by the fully risen sun, and shocked to realise the time was almost 8pm!! One of the local bar girls offered to take me for some breakfast at a small, cheap local place, then drop me off at the gym. To my surprise, she then made to come with me into the gym, saying she wanted to sleep with me! It took me a good ten minutes to get rid of her, and she left with a scowl. Coming up into the gym, people were starting morning training. It felt kinda like a 'walk of shame' strolling in there having not even slept yet.
There's not long left here now, so I have to make the most of these last few days. It is a wierd feeling, kind of mixed emotions. I do miss a few things and people at home, and it will be good to see everyone again. However, I know I am going to miss this place badly. It has been the experience of a lifetime and one in which I have learned a great deal- about myself, people and the world. I will certainly be back.

In the deep end...

They say you learn more from a loss then a win, especially in your first fight. Back home, Master Chana always says he doesn't mind if you win or lose, it's more important to put on a good fight and show heart, and this is something I strongly agree with. Well, my first ever muay thai fight this past Friday- in Bangla stadium, Phuket- was one hell of a learning experience...
With no training Thursday or Friday, and not wanting to expend too much energy doing anything else, I was left with plenty of time to consider what I was getting into. My only fight experience so far consisted of a few interclubs- basically rough sparring with fighters from other gyms using padding- but now I was making the leap up to full thai rules: 5x3min rounds, all techniques allowed including elbows. I had no idea who I would be fighting, but even if I did it would have just been a face and a name, I wouldn't know anything about him. Fights in Thailand are often subject to last minute changes, as I was about to find out.
I had little else to do the day of the fight, so I had a sleep in, helped myself to a big breakfast and sat around watching TV. In Bangla, the fights start around 9pm and its entirely possible to end up fighting around 11-12pm, so it was important to ensure I had sufficient sleep and food during the day. Unable to sleep in the afternoon, I watched the rest of the gym training. In the space of about an hour my mood went from nervous, to pumped (prompting a brief bout of light shadow boxing) to strangely calm, accepting whatever was about to come.
At 8pm we piled into the minivan- myself, Ruslan (a 19 year old Russian who was also fighting), the corner team of Sinbi trainers and a bunch of other students coming along to support us. I claimed a solitary seat by the window, feeling the need to be alone with my thoughts for a while. I'm usually not the chattiest of people, and this was not a point I had any desire to engage in smalltalk. As we pulled up in front of the stadium, the nerves hit with force, but they went away once we had entered the stadium and settled in the changing room- a small room next to the toilets, with one side half open to the stands. The changing room contained a few wooden tables, painted blue or red, and a rack of old looking 8 ounce boxing gloves, also blue or red. We were given a short form to fill out, then informed that Ruslan would be fight number five, myself number seven. I noticed on the list of fights that I was listed as Australian, which didn't surprise me but was amusing, given that according to all the posters around town I was Russian, even though I am English. It's just a ploy from the promoters to get more people into the stadium, with a high number of visitors to Phuket being Russian. I guess there was a decent Australian contingent there on the night, hence the change.
My opponent was set to be a Belgian, whose name I cannot remember. However, when he arrived and they stood us shoulder to shoulder, it was obvious he was significantly bigger and heavier. Weigh-ins are rare here, with fighters often just matched by eye. A flurry of Thai went between both sets of trainers, with both of us left standing there wondering what the hell was being said and if we were going to be fighting each other. The Belgian was led away but returned minutes later, with the promoter, and we were stood shoulder to shoulder for comparison again. Another flurry of unrecognisable words followed, until one of the trainers pulled me aside and said I wouldn't be fighting him. Several minutes later Dave- the Sinbi video guy- told me I would be fighting a Thai, a trainer from another gym. I was a little shocked- I never expected my first fight to be against a professional Thai fighter, who had probably been doing this since he was a young child. The thought of pulling out never entered my mind though- I was here to fight, felt confident and the last thing I wanted to do was cause the gym and my trainers to lose face. Besides, it transpired the guy hadn't fought in several years, and hadn't been expecting to fight so had not been training himself. I was also slightly bigger, though not much. My only thought was fuck it, I might never get another chance to fight a Thai!
The trainers wrapped our hands- mine done in slightly different styles by two different trainers, Jack and Bee- and given the usual pre-fight rub down of Thai liniment oil and vaseline.
Ruslan was called into the ring, and I found a spot just outside the changing room to watch. He fought well- this also being his first muay Thai fight- but unfortunately lost in the second round via leg kicks. With my fight coming after the next one, the trainers wrapped the silk Sinbi muay thai entrance cloak around my shoulders, and placed the sacred mong-kon headwear on me. A rush of adrenaline filled my body- not nervy or worried, simply confident and focused- and we made our way down to ringside. There are no flashy entrances in most Thai stadiums, the next fighters simply sit on a plastic chair by their corner whilst the preceding fight takes place. It's a wierd feeling, knowing that as soon as this fights ends, it is your turn. Especially considering fights can end in seconds. The fight before mine ended up going the distance, and as the final bell for the end of he fifth round rang my stomach clenched tight. Here we go.
Pausing by the steps to the ring for Jack to say a quick prayer- one of many traditions and rituals embedded in muay thai- I climbed less than gracefully over the top rope and into the ring. Another tradition is that fighters must go over the top rope to ensure his feet (considered dirty in Thai culture) never go above their head (considered sacred). The cloak was removed and the ref pulled us both into the centre to touch gloves. We went back into our corners and the distinctive, thin piping music that plays throughout all fights began. The wai kru ram muay is a traditional ritualistic dance that all fighters do before the fight commences, paying respects to their trainers. There are countless ram muays, running from the short and simple to the complex and intricately graceful, and each gym will often have their own. Before the fight I decided that, with enough things to worry about, it would be best to keep it simple and do the most basic- walking slowly around the edge of the ring to symbolically seal it, and then kneeling down facing my corner and bowing my head down three times. The ram muay is also designed to give the fighter a last opportunity to collect their thoughts and find a place of calm in their minds. Muay Thai is not about fighting with anger- it requires a cool head to find the rhythm and correct technique to execute good muay thai.
Standing, I returned to my corner and dipped my head for Jack to remove the mong-kon with another short prayer. He offered me a final sip of water, flicking some on my face and body, before the ref pulled me back to the middle of the ring. The bell sounded for the commencement of the first round, and we touched gloves once more. And just like that, my first fight was under way. I was half expecting my opponent to charge in and try to finish the fight quickly- although that's not the usual Thai style, he hadn't been training and was likely to tire in the later rounds. My plan was to start slowly, keep everything tight for the first couple rounds and then attack more as he slowed.
Quicker than I anticipated, he darted forward and before a punch or kick could be thrown, we were in the clinch- possibly the last place you want to be fighting a Thai. A few knees were thrown as we grappled for position, but nothing serious landed before the ref pulled us apart. It is strange how your memory works after a fight- you remember flashes of it rather than a continuous event, with things often recalled in the wrong order or even differently to how it actually happened. We mainly exchanged kicks during the first round, and I distinctly remember the feeling after I landed one sweet, strong kick clean to his ribs. If I can stay out of the clinch and do more of that, I thought, I might be able to beat this guy. With the round close to an end, he deftly brought us back into the clinch and landed a strong, sharp straight knee right in my gut. I don't remember it hurting too much, but the energy drained right out of me. Thankfully, the round ended before he could press the advantage, and I walked over to my corner. Sitting on the stool, Tun and Jack began rubbing my arms and legs vigorously and poured icy water all over me. Meanwhile, Fhad spoke rapidly from the side of the ring, telling me again and again to go forward and throw hard punches before I kicked.
The bell rang for the second round, and we came to the centre of the ring and touched gloves again. The ref signalled us to fight. Forward, punch hard, kick, I thought to myself. I landed some good punches, but he started to reply with elbows. Fuck, gotta be careful with those elbows, I thought after one flashed by my face. I thought it had missed, but moments later realized I could see a black swelling in the corner of my eye. Watching the fight back on video, I can see an elbow land pretty cleanly and knock me back, but I don't remember that at all. Looking to finish the fight quickly, he pressed forward and we clinched again. Here his strength and experience told, as he controlled me in the clinch and landed some hard knees. At this point, I started to head towards survival mode. This guy was in good condition, was clearly very good and obviously far more experienced than me. He aso started to pull out the flashy stuff, launching a Saenchai style cartwheel kick that I managed to avoid. The crowd cheered and suddenly I just let out a big smile and a laugh, nodding at my opponent. A jumping down elbow came soon after, and I was very relived to avoid that too as it can be a very powerful technique, driving the point of the elbow down on the top of the head with all your weight behind it. He managed to sweep me a couple times-first from the clinch and then by faking a kick and instead kicking out my right leg as I raised my left to block it. As I got back to my feet I thought to myself, it's ok, you're still completely in this, the round is nearly over and you can get back on the attack in the third. The ref had other ideas, however, stepping between us, placing one hand on my shoulder and waving the other above my head to signal a stop to the fight. Thai refs will not hesitate to stop a fight if one side is clearly outmatched in order to avoid them getting more hurt. I was surprised and disappointed, but at the same time sort of relieved that it was over and I wasn't particularly hurt.
My opponent came up to me and wrapped his arms around me, thanking me and apologizing at the same time. I returned my own thanks, getting down on my knees and bowing my head to the floor before him in a traditional sign of respect. He immediately followed suit and we shared another hug. It's funny how as soon as a fight ends, you go from wanting to hurt someone to being their new best friend. It is something I love about combat sports and particularly muay thai- respect and honour are at the core of martial arts.
The trainers told me not to worry about the fight, that I did well  and that my opponent had clearly had a lot of fights. It later transpired he had around 200 fights, and used to fight in the big Bangkok stadiums regularly! Dave said it was one of the worst mismatches he had seen- and I imagine you would see a lot here. The next day the gym owner, Sinbi Taewoong, apologised for the match up, but I was happy- I had shown the balls, confidence and physical and mental toughness to get into the ring with an experienced Thai fighter on my first fight. Not many people can lay claim to that! Sometimes, the best way to learn to swim is to jump in the deep end.
Back in the changing room, Tun and Bee started pulling my gloves off as Jack pressed a piece of ice to my eye. Only now did I begin to realise the extent of the injury there, and that it was most likely the reason the ref stopped the fight- another strong elbow there and it could have caused a nasty cut in a bad place, right under the eye. My body was full of adrenaline, and as I was given a few moments alone to continue icing my eye, I could not help but let a huge dumb smile cross my face. I was almost laughing at myself. I had done something I would never forget, and proven to myself that I belong in the ring and in muay thai. Thrown in at the deep end, there is now no reason for any opponent back home to hold any fear for me. This has been the icing on the cake for what has been a simply incredible experience. Thailand is an amazing country and coming here is without a doubt one of, if not the, greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I will certainly be back.
With the fight done, it was time to kick back and relax, enjoy a few beers and celebrate this defining moment in my life. But that will have to wait for the next post...